The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

@TheComedyCentre

Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?

Everywhere.

@TheComedyCentre

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So, I unplugged his life support.

@TheComedyCentre

I have many jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, none of them work.

@TheComedyCentre

They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

@TheComedyCentre

Stop drawing tattoo of your partner on your body, you won't listen.

@TheComedyCentre

She will definitely need the 5th chance!

@TheComedyCentre

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

@TheComedyCentre

I told my wife that she should embrace her mistakes.

So, she gave me a hug.

@TheComedyCentre

I asked for a sexy picture, see what she sent me 🙄

@TheComedyCentre

Today is Wednesday.

Which means tomorrow is pre Friday which means the next day is Friday, so it's basically Friday today!

@TheComedyCentre

I am just tired of this girl 😂😂😂

@TheComedyCentre

The dress code!

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What has the world turn into?

@TheComedyCentre

Terminator vs Jesus

@TheComedyCentre

The court finally ruled that a woman is—guess what—a woman!

I don’t understand where this generation is headed. Women want to be men, and men want to be women.

I even read a story a while back about a man in his 50s who wants to identify as a 5-year-old and play “Princess” with 5-year-old girls. SMH!

This court case fit the perfect definition of The Dead Horse Theory

@TheComedyCentre

Talk about joblessness

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I know you are thinking exactly what I am thinking!

@TheComedyCentre

Mona Lisa don turn baddie

@TheComedyCentre